THE PLACE OF COMMUNICATION FOR A HEALTHY HOME

Rev. Tamunoibi. Rogers. Miller

revrt.miller@yahoo.com; revrandymiller66@gmail.com

1. Introduction

The first remark necessary is to note the biblical passage, Amos 3:3 that says “do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”. Communication is key for the harmonious relationship of the home. It is a means of relating freely the feelings of those that constitutes the home, couples or parents, and children alike. One of the greatest desire of every  home is for the individuals to be happy. Communication is an essential building block of strong marital, parent-child, and sibling relationships. Just as effective communication is almost always found in strong, healthy families, poor communication is usually found in unhealthy family relationships. Marriage and family therapists often report that poor communication is a common complaint of families who are having difficulties. Poor communication is unclear and indirect. It can lead to numerous family problems, including excessive family conflict, ineffective problem solving, lack of intimacy, and weak emotional bonding.

It is essential to note that communication enhances healthy relationship right from the time of creation. (Genesis 2:23 And the man said: This one, at last, is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called woman, for she was taken from man.(HCSB). Communication breakdown also started at the fall of man. At the approach of God, man could no longer come closer to enjoy the unique relationship through the open communication means. He started transferring to blame on the woman fit for him.

• Defining Communication

Communication is a process either (verbal or non verbal) of sending messages from one person to the other. It is a means of transferring information from one person to another, a purposeful conversation between two or more people towards some specific goals,

primarily meant to build good relationship, filled with love and care.

• Biblical Principles and Examples:

Prayer is a major form of communication between God and man. James 5:16 notes; “The effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much”.  Also, some biblical principles of communication in the home are;

1. Unity of purpose: The unity of the family anchors on effective communication. Genesis 2;24 says “that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife and they become one”.
2. Openness: Transparency in the home is essential. There should not be keeping of secret. Genesis 2:25;  “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed”. Even among parents and children, the parent should be the best friends to the children. In other words; they should be open to one another.
3. Self-Control: Respect, love and submission in the home will enhance the bond of the family. Husbands are to love, wives to be submissive and children to be obedient.. Colossians 3:16-17; “…teach and instruct one another with all wisdom… everything you do or say should be done in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ”.
4. Submission, Love and Respect: As Christ is the head of the Church, so the man is the head of the family. The wife thus has authority over his wife and children. The wife should submit in love, while the husband loves the family and the children show respect and obedience. Ephesians 5:21-6:1-2;
5. Forbearance and Forgiveness: Members of the home need to bear with each other knowing that each has weaknesses. We are to complement each other and in forgiveness of one another, we become stronger. Galatians 6:2; “help carry one another’s burden and in this way you will obey the law of God”. Colossians 3:13 also notes “forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you”.

Some Examples are;

1. Manoah and His wife: Sampson’s parents were visited by an angel with the news of the birth a son. The angel first communicated with the wife who latter clearly communicated same to her husband (Judges 13).
2. Mary and Elizabeth: (Luke 1;26-46).
3. Jacob and His Twelve Sons (Genesis 37:1-11)
4. Abraham and Sarah (Gen 22)
5. Eli and his two sons (1 Sam.2;22-26)
6. Abraham and Sarah (Gen.22)
7. Ananias and Sapphira

• Ways of Communication

Communication could be;

1. Verbal Clear and Direct: This has to do with sounds and spoken words. It can be face to face, conversation over the phone or a voice chat over the internet. Clear and direct communication is the most healthy form of communication and occurs when the message is stated plainly and directly to the appropriate family member. Communication can also be verbal but indirect, and masked. In such case, it is not directed to the person for whom it is intended and  the content of the message is unclear,  
2.  Non-Verbal : This involves physical ways of communicating like whistling, touching, and dancing. It can also be body language expressions as folding hands, smiling, shaking of hands, of head,  patting, frowning among others. Again, it can be clear and direct or masked and indirect.
3. Written: In this case the message is written like text messages, memo, cards, emails etc.
4. Verbal. This involves symbols, signs, pictures and designs.

• Advantages of Effective Communication
• It enhances intimacy
• It builds healthy relationship with God and among family ,embers
• It builds trust
• It solidifies marriage foundation
• It promotes oneness
• It helps in solving problems
• It discourages gossip
• It improves insight on situations

• Effects of Lack of or Poor Communication:
• Exposes the home to vulnerable attacks
• The presence of God may be absent in the home
• Lack of commitment in the relationship
• Suspicion and distrust
• Unfulfilled dreams or visions
• Intolerable co-existence. Divorce and separation may set in.

• Communication as a Tool to Enhance Marriage

Marriage we must note is a process. It has a beginning and there are various experiences that evolve (nodal junctions). This process involves;

1. The Source: God is the source of the marriage institution. He started it. His communication pattern with man sets the tone for the marriage relationship.
2. The Sender: The sender of the message is you. We must make efforts to improve ourselves to become a better spouse and person to the world as we send communication to God, our spouses, children, Church and society. The message we sent must be one that reveals the very purpose of God for the institution of marriage.
3. The Message: We must be able to receive and communicate messages while contents are rich, essential and holistic. A clear understanding of the supposed message for communication is key to a clear and clear communication of the message.
4. The Channels: We must use the various communication channels to build the marriage. The channels could be verbal channel, sexual and romantic expression channel, body language channel and technology channel. We must maximise the use of these channels appropriately for purposeful and fruitful relationship.
5. The Audience: Couples are created for God and other human beings. Your impact on children, parents, siblings, neighbours, friends, colleagues, church etc is essential
6. The Feedback: Life as a process requires feedbacks. We must be sensitive to be able to decode the feedback and improve or strengthen our marriages to avoid breakdown.
7. Marriage Renewal: As life continues, there can be new beginnings. It is not too late for a new beginning. Start now, mend your relationship.

• Communication Channels: We must endeavour to lay strong foundation for deep and meaningful communication in your family. A clogged communication channel will lead to malice, bitterness and other communications in the family. Communication channels are;
• Verbal and Symbols Channels: We must use sweet languages, endearing, soothing, normal connecting pitch, proper articulation and clear enunciation. To maintain a healthy marriage we must avoid abusive, insulting, ego damaging statements,  hurting, proverbial response songs, noisy and much talk, bad articulation and wrong enunciation
• Human Body Channels: Col. 2;9-10. There is mystery about the human body. The powerful human gates are;-
• The human head; watch what comes into your head.
• The Eyes: Guide what you see. No pornography.
• The Ears: Guide what you hear. No gossips.
• The nose: Watch what you smell. No inhaling cocaine.
• The mouth: Watch keenly the words you speak. Words can kill, heal, destroy or build up.
• The Heart: Watch your heart
• The Nipples: Not just a natural feeding bottle, but a centre of pleasure for the woman and for her husband.
• The Navel: Reminds us of our obligations to parents.
• The Hands: Guide what you touch.
• The Vagina/Penis: They are instruments of attaining unity physically and spiritually.
• Sex Channel: (1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality! “Every sin a person can commit is outside the body,” but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body.(HCSB)  This must be done with thanksgiving, heart of love, enjoyed by both, a special time. Enriches the bedroom, friendship and bonding.
• Romans and Other Body Language Channel: Spend time with your spouse, sing and play together, accept each other, call each other regularly, drop messages and use happy moments like birthdays, anniversaries, romantic acts is a prerequisite for good sexual actions, a wife insulted all day should not be expected to respond in love at bedtime. Learn to touch your wife livingly, foreplay should be learnt and enjoyed, no rushing, men don’t speak off after ejaculation, it makes your wife feel used etc.
• Telecommunication/ Mass Media Channel: Phone call, text messages that is encouraging, and friendly.  Listen to news together, watch edifying films together, listen to educative programmes together.

1.  Other Types of Communication are;
2. Mental or intellectual communication: 1 Kings 10;6-8. It is educative, stimulating, challenging and useful.
3. Eye Communication:(Prov.10:10 A sly wink of the eye causes grief, and foolish lips will be destroyed.(HCSB) It is informative, loving, adoring, accommodating and encouraging.
4. Facial Expression: (Prov.21:29 A wicked man puts on a bold face, but the upright man considers his way.(HCSB) It is nice, friendly, joyful, happy, and encouraging.
5. Gestures: Traditionally friendly, normal, appropriate and enhancing
6. Laughter Communication: It is hearty, natural, fun, and humorous.

• Conclusion

The message our homes reflect and send to the others, the Church, and society is very important. We must reflect His Grace, love and be examples that others can emulate. If you have failed, start again and make your home heaven here on earth.