MAINTAINING THE ANCIENT LANDMARK OF GODLY MARRIAGE

MAINTAINING THE ANCIENT LANDMARK OF GODLY MARRIAGE

by

Rev. Tamunoibi Rogers Miller

   (revrandymiller66@gmail.com)

Texts: Proverbs 22: 28 “Remove not the ancient landmark which your fathers have set up.”(AMP)

Ephesians 5: 21-25

Genesis 2:18 “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to live alone. I will make a suitable companion to help him.“(GNT)

Introduction: The desire to get married has in itself always been exciting. But as exciting as it is, sooner or later after the marriage what do we find? 

• Some couples get tired of each other very soon.
• Some begin to live like tenants under the same roof.
• Some could not manage themselves and become separated soon.
• Some others seek for divorce.
• Some seek for way to kill the other partner.

It is so glaring that the family is attacked by the Devil and his cohorts. The truth is that if the family is destroyed, the Church will also be affected since the family is the bedrock of the Church as well as the society. This is a practical discussion, so we shall touch different issues related to marriage.

Present Day Challenges

1. The changing world and new challenges being introduced into marital union. E. g homosexuality is presently starring at us.
2. The source of help, institutions and value –setting for many families which is focused on “self” and not God.
3. The quality of preparation that many couples have for love and marriage which is very shallow. This leaves them with a weak foundation for a godly home.
4. Seducing and defiling factors such as indecent dressing, infatuation, lies etc in increase all around us. We need to be daily sanctified and consecrated by the power of the Holy Spirit.
5. Opportunities and platforms to be unfaithful increasing with the invention of the internet and social networks.
6. The content of communication in many homes becoming shallow, artificial and not essential.
7. The purpose of loving and helping upon which God created marriage is no longer the centre of the purpose for marriage today and the values of the marriage vow is now being taken lightly.
8. Children not getting the needed attention.
9. Financial Pressure and lack of childlessness in the increase.

Think of These When Planning to Marry:

1. Prayer and (Fasting) to know the ultimate will of God of whom to marry.
2. Approaching the person to properly ask to marry. Do not assume when a man has not asked your hand in marriage. You can ask for definition of the closeness when not comfortable.
3. Maintain a healthy and godly courtship period that should not be too long. The two should; (1 Peter 3: 3-4; 2 Timothy 2;22, Gal 5;22-23; Heb 13:4)
4. Spend time to Pray and Plan towards the marriage (Prov. 3:5; Phil 4:6)
5. Inform the Pastor, an elder of right marriage standing for guidance
6. Be self controlled not to defile one another and avoiding secluded places.
7. Communicate freely to ask questions about each other’s convictions, values, aspirations, personal likes, differences and preferences, past,  Christian  and family background. Also, children and their training, careers and finance.
8. Involve the Church immediately you agree on the date and go through pre-marital counselling.
9. Be careful of Danger signs.
10. Traditionally take the right steps by paying all you are required to especially the pride price before you start living together.
11. Go through the legal process to have an authentic government recognized certificate as will be guided by the Pastor.
12. If the plan is to have a wedding, wait until the wedding is concluded.
13. Leave and cleave together in marriage Gen.2:24; Matt. 19:4-6; Mk.10:6-9)
14. Keep the vows made to each other during the marriage.
15. Pray and take decisions together.
16. Seek godly counsel from godly parents that have shown the right example.
17.  Openness to each other in marriage as each person plays their roles like;
18. The man loving his wife unconditionally as his own self (Eph.5:25-29).
19. Providing for his family (1 Tim.5:8).
20. Training the family in righteousness (Deut. 6:4-9; Prov.22:6).
21. The woman should submit unconditionally (Eph. 5:22-24).
22. She should play her supportive roles (Gen. 2:18).
23. She should respect her husband (Eph. 5:33).
24. Both must not deny each other sexually (1 Cor. 7:1-5).

Five Marital Stages of Experiences

1. The Honey Moon Stage: Immediately after marriage before the coming of children. Everything is fresh, exciting, flaws of partners not quickly noticed or is tolerated. It can take 2 years. It is advisable, the couples stay away from their usual environment for a period during this time.
2.  Power Struggle / Conflict Stage: Losing interest in one another romantically and sex.
3.  Feelings of no longer loved
4. Lack of patience with one another.
5. Dreams are not turning out as expected
6. Feeling misunderstood always
7. Temptation of looking for a new relationship
8. Lack of effective communication and use of counter-intuitive communication skills.   (Use the example of the film Another Life period) How will you feel or react?

Question

You are lying down with your spouse and he/she is talking to a friend before marriage of the opposite sex and both are gisting about a movie they both had interest in watching.  .

• Stability / Commitment Stage: Couples try to settle in and down, accept each partner as a unique person rather than trying to change the person.
• Learn to respect each other.
• Work to expand the knowledge of each other with common hope and goal.

Types of People and Relationships:

1. The Magnetic Partners: Can pursue you relentlessly They are professional boy-friend of girl-friend and not a marriageable material.
2. The Traditional Partners: Such sees the partner as important thing needed to keep him/her healthy with nutritious and nourishing meals even when he/she does not contribute anything. The live and act the way they see their parents lived. Very conservative and careful with money but love orders.
3. The Smoothie Partners: Such is sensationally rich and experienced but good at face value, full of magical tales, empty promises. Always solves problems with “Yeah, No problem, can take care of it”.
4. The Childish Partners: Such were spoiled from childhood and remains lay in marriage. Thoughtless and often run to the mother of father before acting. Can not build a home.
5. The Batterer Partner: One who is easily triggered by anything and is ready to reply or retaliate any wrong with a slap or curse or evil words.
6. The Hustler Partner: Such is after one thing . Can be romantic and sexy, just trying to get something from you.
7. The Sulker Partners: Such can keep offence bottled up when denied any thing. E.G if denied sex or refuge to buy something needed. Can also refuse food, throw cold looks at the partner and not answering questions.
8. The Substance Abusing Partner: Such can easily mask under drinking instead of facing challenges and responsibilities. Cannot form solid relationship in marriage, wasteful and irresponsible .
9. The Meanie Partner: One who is money conscious , ready to police the partner’s account and feel pained when had no access to it.
10. The Secretive Partner: Sees himself or herself as a loner, a do-it yourself person.
11. The Communicating Partners: Partner that breadth into their marital relationship, the fresh are or gives a breadth of fresh air to the partner. Ready to talk about everything to keep the relationship alive.

Some Questions for Consideration:

1. What would you do if your partner is threatening to call of the relationship because you refuse him/ her sex.
2. Is it right to marry an individual from a different sects such as the Muslims, Jehovah Witness,  O. O-Obu, Enkackar, etc, even after falling in love with the person?
3. Who do couples run too, when having an issue which they cannot apprehend themselves? The Pastor or their Parents? And what kind of issue can you involve your Pastor or Parents?
4. Is it advisable for a man to go live in his parents’ house with his wife even after their wedding?  And is it also advisable to allow family members, like mom, or brother/sister to come stay with the husband and wife, at their home?
5. What is the response as Christians in inter-cultural marriage
6. Can a partner leave his/her other partner after finding out he/she is been deceived before getting married? Things like the man his impotent, or have mental issues, and the woman has no womb, etc.
7. As a man is it advisable to allow your wife and children worship in another church?
8. What will I do if my family wants her to be pregnant.
9. Is it wrong for a man to marry a lady older than him? and if no, what is age gap recommended for the lady to senior the man, by 1 or 2 years or more
10. What are the possible challenges for young couples and how can it be handled? Especially when the man or the lady wants things to be the way it is in their parents’ house.
11.  As a Christian is it advisable to fall in love with a divorcee?
12. Can an Engaged lady or man go out on a friendly date with the opposite sex?
13. Should an engagement be kept a secret?
14. If your partner is in the entertainment industry, how do you cope with that partner, especially when given a role to kiss an individual in a movie?
15. As a man and woman, at what age do you start getting worried about marriage?
16. Is it advisable for a 16 year old to start dating?