AN IDEAL CHRISTIAN MARITAL RELATIONSHIP IN THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY

A TEACHING ON AN IDEAL CHRISTIAN MARITAL RELATIONSHIP IN THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY (– 2017)

TAMUNOIBI ROGERS MILLER

(revrt.miller@yahoo.com; revrandymiller@gmail )

INTRODUCTION

An Ideal connotes proper, acceptable, good, appreciable, what ought to be etc. I prefer to stress on the “what ought to be”. For instance, certain things that happen that people may accept and act on may not necessarily be the ideal. The ideal is what ought to be but people prefer to do what is convenient with and for them. An example is that God created both male and female in his image and so should be treated equally as human beings but it was convenient for culture to treat women as a second class citizen who should not be seen and heard. This was so bad that even when scripture says anyone found cut in adultery, both man and woman should be stoned to death, but culture killed only the woman because it was convenient for them to do so. John 8: 3 – 5, Leviticus 20:10, Deuteronomy 22: 22 – 25 gives an explanation. Do you see that the Scribes and Pharisees quoted the scriptures to sooth what is convenient with their culture? This is how most of us behave, even when we call ourselves Christians. So, I am believing that this gathering is not going to be in vain but to fulfil God’s mandate, and because you want the ideal, you will be prepared to do the ideal and not just what people say, or what culture and tradition says but what God says.

 Peter also behaved in like manner as he discriminated against the Gentiles because that was what his culture taught him until God showed him a vision of the ideal and his world view changed to the extent that he challenged the high priest when he was giving strict order not to proclaim Jesus again, he and others said “we must obey God rather than men” Acts 5:29. Remember, ones again that the ideal is God’s own way of doing things and in this case “the Christian marital relationship”.

Christian marital relationship is a relationship based on God’s word because as a child of God your loyalty is to God and His word which guides you to knowing and doing God’s will. For those who are not married, the foundation is marrying the right person. And marrying the right person requires the following:

1. As a Christian you must marry a Christian. 2 Corinthians 6:14 – 18, Genesis 24: 1 – 8, Amos 3:3
2. As you relate with one another do not propose to more than one lady at a time and do not accept more than one man at a time.
3. You must be convinced about a lady before proposing to her and before saying yes to a proposal because this implies that you are deciding to spend the rest of your lives together and are entering into courtship. Hence,
4. You must pray but not a psychic prayer.
5. Reorient yourself of certain cultural beliefs and practices.
6. Be sure that you truly love each other.
7. Be sure that you are compatible and comfortable with each other.
8. Be sure that you are both matured holistically to withstand the test of time in marriage. This proves readiness.
9. Know about certain medical tips about each other i.e. HIV/Aids, Blood group, Genotype, Rhesus etc. in order to make an informed decision.
10. After proposal and acceptance of proposal, you are now in courtship relationship.

Note that courtship may or may not end in marriage, but must be utilized properly for the good of each other. It is a period when sincere truths are shared, dreams and aspirations discussed, and a time to study each other more closely and better so that adjustments can be made where necessary for the accommodation of each other.

DOS IN COURTSHIP

1. Courtship is not a sin in itself, so enter into it with ease and joy.
2. Spend time to pray together to get break through from every obstacles.
3. Make the word of God your standard in every decision you are to make.
4. Spend time to fellowship together by studying God’s Word together and worship too.
5. Do spend time in discussing issues especially as it concerns the future.
6. Make your courtship purposeful, visit special places and events, play games together but never compromise God’s standard. 1 Corinthians 6: 18 – 20; 3:16
7. Win each other’s love through your neatness, kindness, courtesy, carriage etc.
8. Attend premarital counselling.
9. Get exemplary married Christian(s) as a mentor.
10. Accept and appreciate each other and try to help each other become what God intends and what you desire for each other because there is no perfect being.

DON’TS IN COURTSHIP

1. Don’t live together or sleep in your prospective spouse house.
2. Don’t be tempted to go and cook, wash, iron, clean, etc for your prospective spouse.
3. Don’t stay alone in secluded place(s) and avoid touching each other on any sensitive parts of your body. i.e. buttock, breast, clitoris, or penis and avoid  kissing, romancing etc.
4. Don’t attempt or test sex before marriage because the soul that sinneth shall die and fornicators will have their place in hell, so flee fornication 1 Corinthians 6:18.
5. Don’t dress seductively.
6. Don’t enter into courtship just to please parents, friends or out of pity or any selfish gain.
7. Don’t keep your courtship too long to avoid temptation.

WAYS TO MAINTAIN SEXUAL PURITY

1. Be wise and not naïve(lies of stomach ache if you don’t have sex, delay in child birth etc)
2. Accept that complete satisfaction has to wait.
3. Value your future mate now.
4. Have self control and maintain your integrity.
5. Avoid intoxicative beverages.
6. Don’t let feeling and the teasing of people guide your sexual behaviour.
7. Have a strong will to say no and be assertive about it.
8. Depend on the power of the Holy Spirit to stay pure knowing that we are helpless of ourselves.

After these, you are now set to marry and must do the following requirement:

1.   When married you must be willing to follow God’s principles for a Christian marriage because he is the author of the marriage institution and so knows all about it and have the solutions to all problems. 2 Thessalonians 2:15; 3:6, Colossians. 2:6-10.

2.   In obeying God’s will, you become responsible to each other.

FOR THE MAN

a.   you must love your wife and tell her how much you love her. Ephesians 5: 25- 33a, Colossians 3: 9, Genesis 2: 18-25.

b.   Play with her and call her by pet name.

c.   Once in a while take her out and spoil her a little.

d.   Be transparent and sincere to her.

e.   Understand her feelings and treat her as such.

f.    What you saw in another woman that attracts you, make her such.

g.   Do not talk evil or discredit her before others, rather sing her praise and correct her when you are together alone.

h.   Relate with her as friend and lover, not as a boss or business partner.

i.    Provide for her needs and the family.

j.    Pray sincerely for her.

k.   Love your in laws.

l.    Learn to say “I’m sorry” when you offend her.

m.  Learn to say “thank you” when she does something good.

FOR THE WOMEN

1. Respond to your husband’s love as you admire and express your love for him sincerely.
2. Be submissive to your own husband. Ephesians 5:22-24, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter. 3:1-2.
3. Understand your husband and treat him as such.
4. Present yourself beautiful and attractive always to him 1 Peter 3:3-4.
5. Respect and obey him Ephesians 5:33b.
6. Be interested in his profession or career and encourage and support him.
7. You must truly be a help mate to him Genesis 2:18, Ecclesiastes. 4:9-12, 2 Chronicles. 16:9, hence, you don’t withhold whatever you have.
8. Communicate freely with him and do not hide anything from him.
9. Appreciate him when he does something good and learn to say “thank you.”
10. Learn to say I’m sorry too when you go wrong.
11. Pray sincerely for your husband too.
12. Cook his meal, serve him and take good of him and children
13. Love your in laws and be hospital to them.

TOGETHER AS COUPLES

1. You must not deny each other of sex 1 Corinthians. 7:1-5.
2. Don’t keep records of wrong and when offended, learn to settle disputes together.
3. Keep records of special events and learn to appreciate God for such events together (i.e. birthdays, marriage anniversary, mother’s day, father’s day etc.).
4. Learn to buy gifts for each other no matter how small surprisingly. It spices marriage.
5. Know the sizes of underwear, shoes etc of your spouse and give surprises.
6. Eat together.
7. Bath together.
8. Stroll together and be romantic towards each other.
9. Attend programmes together and learn to sit together.
10. Be good role models to your children.

CONCLUSION

            The ideal Christian marital relationship in the 21^st century must be God centred and Bible based. It must be an example for the world to emulate. It must truly be Christian and not a mixture of what is obtainable but what ought to be Matthew 15:1-3; 18-20, Ephesians 5: 6-12. According to Folorunso Alakija, “marriages seem to break up because of lack of concern for God’s commandments and a lack of commitment to one another.” I pray sincerely that we will take God and his word seriously and be committed to one another as couples so that we will become what God intends for us and be light for others to see properly and follow correctly. God Bless You Richly.